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When you both started that conversation,
The one that would end 2 years of your life,
You couldn't have known what was coming;
But you took it like a pro.  Bye bye, wife.
Slow, rational, mourning followed by action,
You stood strong and fearless to show your integrity.
What you couldn't see on the other side of that phone,
Her eyes shone a red, white, and blue so pretty;
And she was looking anywhere but at you boy.

She quit you like school, never going back.
Can't you let her go; chop chop her out?
Of course not, your eyes sparkled like that diamond.
Even though history fills you with doubt,
Suffer righteously, leave her alone, and move on.
Her star spangled banner will rip and fade.
Though it seemed; it was not meant to be.
Consider yourself eternally saved
From the girl who wanted freedom more than you.
I wrote this poem for the prompt contest over at :icontalentedwritersguild:

This poem is to/about one of my dear friends who just broke up with his fiancÚ. My heart breaks for him, but there's nothing I can do. He really doesn't want to talk to me about it, nor does he seem to want to talk to me at all really. So since I don't know what to do, the best I can really do is break the situation down objectively.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-09-23
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Writer
Oh wow, that was amazing. This poem really knocked me off my feet! I was thinking of how this should be a DD, but I see I don't need to suggest it! Ha! :dummy:

Poetry is definitely my weakest point (both writing and interpreting), so to see someone write a wonderful work like this... well, let's say there's a lot for me to learn. :nod:

p.s. Hope things turned out alright with your friend.
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, thank you very much! Yeah, that was a DD not long ago either (came as a real surprise to me). I try to write poetry that is easily understandable and relatable. I want my readers to feel something in common with me so we can share the space in which we feel. In spite of that goal, I'll use words not typically used in day to day communication for different effects. I hope this helps you a bit with interpreting poetry.

P.S. Things are working out very well with him. He's in a much better place now than he was even before I wrote this piece.
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Student Writer
I see, thanks for the tip! That's really useful. :D I know it's not an excuse but sometimes I struggle with a lacking English vocabulary. :( So I'm always amazed when I read about people using fancy words, and try to learn from them. :nod:

Also, glad to hear that! :typerhappy:
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can relate to that very easily. I took a Spanish class in college (I took a few actually), and we read a lot of Spanish poetry. It was so beautiful and it flowed so well, but I didn't always know what the words meant. It was easy enough to look them up and find out once you have most of the grammar portion down, but believe me, I know that feel. Let me know if you'd ever like any advice or an opinion on a work, and I'll help you out :)
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Student Writer
I'll definitely keep that in mind! Thank you for the offer, that's very kind of you. :tighthug:
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Professional Writer
Yay! I'm so glad you got a DD on this~! You used the prompt and expanded on it brilliantly - that last line is chilling! Devastating yet hopeful. Congrats!
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much! :) The nomination came as a total surprise to me. I logged on like usual and I had so many notifications, it was crazy, lol. Thanks for your kind words, LG.

P.S., thanks for the fav + watch ;)
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Professional Writer
You're very welcome!

I really thought I already was watching you!
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
With my super slow rate of uploading deviations, it would be easy to miss me altogether, lol.
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012  Professional Writer
Nah. :)
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:iconiamdefective:
IAmDefective Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012   General Artist
So relevant to my current situation. Thank you.
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm very glad this piece meant something to you and that it was in some way helpful. You're quite welcome; thank you for letting me know that you related to this. :)
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:iconiamdefective:
IAmDefective Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012   General Artist
The pleasure was all mine.:happycry:
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:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Student Writer
Excellent cadence.
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much. :)
Reply
:iconkipwi:
Kipwi Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012
I love this poem! Your style and choice of words amazes me.
My favorite lines are:
"Her eyes shone a red, white, and blue so pretty;
And she was looking anywhere but at you boy."

I really hope that it gets better for your friend! It's terribly sad when something like this happens. :C
Reply
:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for your kind words. Things are much better for him; he's much happier now than he even was before this whole thing happened.
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:icon3lly-rock-girl714:
3lly-rock-girl714 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Student General Artist
:heart:
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
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:iconxxshattertheshinxxx:
xXShatterTheShinxXx Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Very nice. I really like the last line. Sorry about your friend, though...
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. He's doing much better. This situation is nigh on two years old so he's had plenty of time to recover, and I think he's happier now than he was before the whole incident.
Reply
:iconxxshattertheshinxxx:
xXShatterTheShinxXx Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
that's good :)
Reply
:iconcrashmypartyhard:
crashmypartyhard Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
very good work, but very sad about your friend. be strong (:
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :) He's in a much better place now, and far happier.
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:iconcrashmypartyhard:
crashmypartyhard Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
awesome (:
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:iconthemeepynerd:
themeepynerd Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can barely understand it, and what I do makes me sad :(
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awww, I'm sorry to have made you sad. I didn't mean to be difficult to understand. Is there anything I can help clarify?
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:iconthemeepynerd:
themeepynerd Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, now that I reread it, I can understand it more, thanks to your description XD I'm not the best at interpreting poetry
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That comes with time and practice. Much of it should come as easily as understanding a person, but unfortunately, some writers try to convolute meanings in these barely comprehensible labaryths of language. Best of luck to you :)
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:iconthemeepynerd:
themeepynerd Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think I couldn't understand cuz I'm so naive to these kind of things, but thank you :) I hope people are reading your poetry in English textbooks soon!
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Man, wouldn't that be awesome! Thanks :D
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:iconthemeepynerd:
themeepynerd Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:3
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:iconlit-twitter:
Lit-Twitter Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link] :)
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Rofl, thank you.
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:iconburntchurro:
burntchurro Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
The last line kills me. Love this!
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconevranawolfsong:
EvranaWolfsong Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ag, awesome. It was a really random thought process: "Oo a poem" so I clicked on it and randomly read it out loud. It sounded so awesome.

i apologize. I may just be jittery, but I've also had caffeine. Anyway, it's a really nice piece!
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
lol, thank you. Was there anyone there to hear you read it aloud? I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I really appreciate your story and kind words.
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:iconevranawolfsong:
EvranaWolfsong Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ah, sadly I was alone at the time in a random mood. And you are very welcome :{D
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:iconjennifermulkerrin:
JenniferMulkerrin Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Professional Photographer
beautiful writing here
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
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:iconanna-95:
Anna-95 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautiful and tragic.
Hope things get better for your friend. And don't let him push you away, even though he won't talk to you now. It'll get better eventually, right?
Reply
:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Things have settled into a comfortable place between us, but he is certainly in a much better place now than he was. Things have changed a lot in a year or two. Thanks for asking :)
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:iconanna-95:
Anna-95 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, that's good. :D
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:iconakumaenjeru:
AkumaEnjeru Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Inspiring and Heartfelt :)
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconmyonapierce:
MyonaPierce Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Student General Artist
nice work
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
Wow, really unique stuff. Congratulations. Nice work.
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:iconmellowghost:
mellowghost Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
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